When You Need a Little Longer to Decide: Sensitivity & Big Life Decisions
I'm generally quite a decisive person.
Give me a problem to solve, something to organise, or a decision that needs to be made quickly and I'll usually just get on with it.
But when it comes to the big decisions — particularly where I'm going to live — it's a very different story.
I've gone back and forth about moving more times than I care to admit. Sometimes for years. And I've wondered whether this means I'm indecisive, or whether I just struggle to trust myself. But the more I've learnt about sensitivity, the more I've realised there might be something else going on.
When you're a sensitive person, you can be processing far more than the practical question in front of you.
It's not just: Do I want to move?
It's the friendships I'll be leaving behind. The community I'll have to rebuild. How I'll feel in the new environment. What I'll gain. What I'll lose. How it might affect the people I love. Whether I'll feel at home.
Elaine Aron writes about this in relation to highly sensitive people and decision-making, describing how our depth of processing can mean we consider a huge number of details and possible consequences before making a choice. She also makes the important point that taking longer doesn't necessarily mean making worse decisions — sometimes quite the opposite.
And I think that's the reframe I'd like to offer (to you, and to myself):
Taking your time isn't necessarily indecisiveness. Sometimes it's simply how you process.
The thing to watch out for is when thoughtful consideration tips over into rumination. When you're no longer gathering useful information, but searching for a level of certainty that doesn't exist. Because eventually, even the most carefully considered decision requires a little bit of trust. Trusting that you know what's important to you. Trusting that you can handle it if things don't go exactly to plan. And trusting that you can make another decision later if you need to.
I'm still working on this one. But I think that's the point. Sensitivity doesn't mean we need to become faster decision-makers. Perhaps we need to become better at knowing when we've thought about it enough.
You don't need absolute certainty to make a good decision.
Sometimes you just need enough clarity, and enough trust in yourself to begin.
