Do you need to work on your worth?
A dynamic doesn’t go the way you expected, and you feel the urge to ruminate, spin out, and make yourself the problem.
You receive an opportunity that feels too good to be true, and you immediately question whether you have what it takes.
Someone comments on something you’ve done or offers negative feedback, and it sends you into a spiral of overthinking — you end up sabotaging the situation or feeling deeply judged.
Sound familiar?
A person with low or shaky self-worth tends to turn external experiences into something about the self — often shaming themselves and assuming they are the problem.
Self-worth is the felt sense that you are inherently valuable — not because of what you achieve or how others respond to you, but simply because you exist.
For many people, this pattern of self-blame formed early in life. It can develop in environments where love felt conditional, where anger or withdrawal came from caregivers, or where it felt safer to take responsibility than to risk conflict or disconnection.
As adults, we unconsciously return to this default response because self-blame can feel familiar — and oddly controllable. But it’s exhausting. And it’s not making you happy.
What’s needed first is not analysis, but soothing.
When your nervous system is activated, your brain is in threat mode — not clarity mode. So step away from the situation and the spiral. Find ways to regulate: dancing, shaking, crying, holding yourself, placing a hand on your chest, or reaching out to someone safe.
Once your system feels a little more settled, you can gently revisit the situation and ask:
What did I need in that moment?
Maybe it was reassurance. An ally. A pause. A reminder that your worth didn’t disappear because something didn’t go to plan.
Bring compassion to the part of you that felt unlovable or “not enough.” Even if, in hindsight, you might have done something differently — can you still see yourself as valuable and worthy?
Someone with a strong sense of self-worth isn’t someone who never struggles. It’s someone who knows they are still worthy when things go wrong — when relationships are messy, when mistakes happen, when life doesn’t unfold perfectly. They trust that they can repair, rebuild, and keep going.
If you recognise yourself in this, and you have a tendency to turn inward and self-blame, it might be time to gently rewrite the inner narrative — to learn how to soothe yourself and speak to yourself with more compassion.
I’ve been there too. And I’ve learned how to turn down the volume on my inner critic, regulate my nervous system, build self-trust, and create boundaries that protect my sensitivity — so I can focus on a life and career that genuinely light me up.
